Disappearing #1

1st. Stage_

Start – August 2018

Try to erase all the pictures with my face from all over the internet. (More than 600 pictures I could track and guessing will be more I can not have access because doesn’t belong to my own social media)

Results –

(October 2018)

Still few pictures you can find on Google. I tried to communicate with the the sites and getting reply took me couple of weeks.

Psycologicly speaking the attachment I had to share some moments of my life even I didn’t consider myself as a really active media person was giving me some headaches. Trying to cope with it, I am feeling as I wasn’t in the same level as my virtual community as I can see what they are doing but I feel hidden from them.

Problems –

Dealing with people and friends who don’t understand the implications of the project and kidnap your image (I have few around there in which I could delate my tag but couldn’t get it down from internet) or steal a photo of you or post it without any consultation or agreement from my side

Shelter from the Storm, life changing experience. 04.01.2017

Today I met a Nigerian old man who was working as an account around England for his entire life, now he barely can move but has the most amazing smile in the world at 6:00 am in the morning.. also there was a Portuguese woman who is living in Uk for 15 years and the government took off her twins 6 years old kids one year go when she went to ask for help and some benefits. After that, when se was visiting them she realized one of the kids were sexually assaulted in the foster home by the son of the lady responsible of the kids. So she complains to the police, who moved the kids to another foster home but did nothing else and the woman in that house still receiving more kids with her son at the house.

Se was crying while se was telling me this and I think being able to speak with someone in her own language was giving her some relief.

Another woman asked us to cut her mango with some joy I can not even describe it and when we did it she was insisting in sharing it with me, obviously I couldn’t refuse.

So even when they have nothing, they have the ability to share, smile and open their feelings while people with their life sorted they don’t even think about it.

I truly believe I was receiving, that night, more than I was giving. Next day I was feeling tired because in the overnight shift you cant sleep, I only rest for 2 hours around 4 am but for sure I will do it again.

This is NGO, doesn’t receive government founding or is attached to at organisation http://sfts.org.uk/

Memoria bloqueada

Un recuerdo que sirve para destapar una vida.
Algo tan pequeño tambalea y da sentido, una imagen retorcida sin explicación perpetua que hace entender comportamientos lejanos, cercanos, un allí y un aquí.
Yo decido y como decido uso esa imagen para enfrentarte a ti, a ella, a vosotros, dejaros sin palabras, atragantados con vuestros propios miedos, mierdas y sucesivas historias no resueltas.
Gracias pero no es para mi.
Para mi es lo que estoy viviendo, descubriendo, amando porque pecado es no disfrutar la vida cuando puedes, es enterrar el dolor para no verlo, es ahogar la angustia con hipocresía, es reventar la libertad con una falsa moral. Es simple y llanamente tener miedo y no soltarlo.
Yo decido y por ello decido VIVIR, así en mayúsculas.

¿Locura o algo más?

Colaboración el el  BUK Magazín nº 4

Ilustración: Paulo Mosca
Texto: Alixe Lobato
Maquetación: Roger Crunch

La nada bienvenida.

Intentar pensar en el futuro y simplemente no ver nada, ni claro, ni obscuro, ni gris. Toda tu vida anticipando, haciendo planes, visualizando el mañana para que un día, de pronto, todo se borre y no seas capaz de ver un mínimo resquicio de lo que pudo haber sido o de lo que podría ser, nada, simplemente vacío, que no abismo; una sensación peculiar que alegra mis días porque quita esa pesada losa que implica un futuro, como dice un gran amigo, CARPE DIEM.